you know how sometimes life just really doesn't go how you had planned? yeah. me too.
expectations for january 2013:
expectations for january 2013:
-return to school
-get far ahead in homework
-spend lots of time rejoicing with friends
-revel in the Word of God with full faith
realities of january 2013:
-returned to school
-days spent "weeping with those who weep"
-a dear brother entered eternity unexpectedly
-did zero homework
-forced reading of the Word for some glimmer of hope or truth
as i look back on my prayers from the past month, i see a recurring, simple, one-line prayer:
"God, you have to remind me of who you are today"
i've spent the past year and a half of my life discovering the gospel of grace. God's incredible, far-reaching, never-ending, always-holding grace. and i absolutely love it. i hardly understand it. i simply want to know it. to experience it.
and then life gets flipped upside-down.
do i still believe it? does it still apply? does his grace remain even still?
YES
i could feel guilty for my lack of work, my lack of words, my lack of belief. yet Jesus did not die so that i could do something better. he died so i could be with him forever. to the glory of God the Father. and that forever with Jesus starts right now. actually it started 13 years ago. i am in the beginning of forever with Jesus! i am his and he is mine. not because i respond perfectly to pain. not because i earned his love or his forgiveness. simply because,
"God demonstrated his own love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
romans 5:8
romans 5:8
and the peace i have found is that Jesus does not moralize my pain and say, "oh it's okay that everything hurts. i know something good will come out of it." nor does he look at my pain and say, "well, your pain isn't that bad compared to the starving children in africa."
instead, i have found:
"we may not ever fully understand why God allows the suffering that devastates our lives. we may not even find the right answers to how we'll dig ourselves out. there may not be any silver lining, especially not in the ways we would like. But we don't need answers as much as we need God's presence in and through the suffering itself. for the life of the believer, one thing is beautifully and abundantly true: God's chief concern in your suffering is to be with you and be Himself for you."
my Jesus has been, is now, and will be enough for me. even when i don't believe it. even when i don't see him. even when i hardly think he's there. he is enough, he is hanging on, he is my everything. yesterday. today. and forever. despite my faithlessness, he will remain faithful. and that's what makes it all okay.
his grace continues even now, even when life sucks.
"the good news of the gospel is not an exhortation from above to 'hang on at all costs,' or 'grin and bear it' in the midst of hardship. no, the good news is that God is hanging on to you, and in the end, when all is said and done, the power of God will triumph over every pain and loss."
(quotes by -tullian tchividjian- in his book Glorious Ruin)
