DOUBTS ~ "defining" me

being new is harder than i expected. approximately thirty days ago, i moved here, to mbi, as an unknown, another face-in-the-crowd freshman. quickly i began to miss my family, my home, my guy, and my identity. 

yes, my identity.

at home i was known. i was established. i was understood. 

or so i thought.

now i am here. i'm in a new city. a huge city. with lots of people. 

i'm meeting people much wiser than i, so i will not be claiming any sort of identity in my knowledge. 

i'm volleyballing with people much more athletic than i, so i will not be claiming athleticism as my identity. 

i'm eating with people much more socially exciting and conversationally riveting than i, so i will not be claiming popularity any time soon.

just who am i?

as i've struggled through the beginning stages of friendships, seeking to know and longing to be known, i've come to realize that i don't have to claim something as my identity. i don't want to claim something as my identity.

i want to be me. samantha jo. the daughter of the King. an heir in his kingdom. his beloved.

and that is enough. it is more than enough. 

He is satisfying.

i wonder why that is enough. why is it okay for me to not be exerting myself to be wiser, stronger, quicker, or funnier? it's okay because my identity is no longer found in what i do. it is found in what Christ did. that's why i can say it's okay for me to be a "nobody". it's okay for me to be a "somebody". it's okay for me to be unathletic. it's okay for me to be smart. and most of all, it's okay for me to fail. 

because no one likes a perfect person. and Jesus didn't die for me to try harder to be better. 

so as i'm struggling through who i must be,

i am learning it's really not up to me. 

for my highest King, he is good, 

and in his eyes i'm understood.

so i surrender my cares at his feet

knowing his peace, oh it's so sweet!

i'll trust he knows best

and i'll surrender this time to His good rest. 

so who am i? some may ask. it's simple really, i'm the redeemed, forgiven, beloved daughter of the King. 

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come!"
2 Corinthians 5:17