"be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart...
"high king of heaven my victory won
may i reach heaven's joys o bright heaven's sun
heart of my own heart, whatever befall
still be my vision, o Ruler of all
"heart of my own heart whatever befall
still be my vision, o Ruler of all
still be my vision, o Ruler of all"
-be thou my vision
heart of my own heart, whatever befall
still be my vision, o Ruler of all
gulp. whatever befall. yikes.
this is a hard statement for me to think about, yet my heart of hearts - the heart that Jesus Christ has made new and is making new - longs for this satisfying focus. a focus on the Ruler of all. on the Lord of my heart.
"today is so important. what are you doing today, sam? what are you doing to make other people happier? what are you doing to get better grades? what are you doing to figure out the future? how are you preparing yourself to be a wife, a friend, and a mom? you better start working harder. you have a lot of work to get done. the faster you fix yourself, the faster you get things figured out, the better life will be. the more fulfilled you'll be. the more your heart will be satisfied."
"wait a minute, you. who says that i have tomorrow?" i reply. "who says that tomorrow will come? that a thousand tomorrows will come? since when is this world the 'end all'? what can i truly to do make my life so much better? do i really have control? better yet - if i do, do i really want it?"
"you can plan. you can try harder. you can work faster. you can be more successful. you can have control. it can be yours. you can determine how things work out. you can figure out the unknown days. it's your responsibility to make it work."
"no. i know it's not true. at least i think i know. wait... is it true?
no. i know it is not. what is truth? this is truth: God is love (1 john 4:16). God is faithful (2 timothy 2:13). God is good (luke 18:19). so on these truths i will set my mind. only he is eternal. only he reigns forever. when i am with him only he will be my focus. john 17:3 tells me that eternal life is to know God. i want that eternal life now. i can have that eternal life now. why then, am i so concerned with knowing the world? why am i so concerned with controlling my own destiny?"
may the words of this song be the cry of my heart, day after day, moment after moment.
heart of my own heart, whatever befall
still be my vision, o Ruler of all.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Saturday, November 3, 2012
LIFE - change
i figured starting college would be a big change in my life, but i never expected all the little changes that came along with it. i've noticed three main kinds of change: endings, waitings, and beginnings. many lessons are learned in change, and though i always claimed to do well with change, i've realized i really don't do so well with it... at all. especially the waitings.
endings. all earthly good things and all earthly bad things in life come to an end. we're on a time schedule. events come and go. relationships start and stop. seasons ebb and flow. this past week i experienced the end of volleyball season. maybe my last ever. maybe the beginning of a wonderful college career. but this one is over. never again with the same girls, the same coaches, the same lessons. it's done. i can't change it, i can't better it. it's done. just like that.
lesson: no matter how hard it seems while i'm in it, it always comes to an end, and i always realize it wasn't so big of a deal - especially in light of all the promises of God i experienced firsthand.
My King was Faithful.
waitings. story of my life, it seems. i often wonder if others wait for as many things as i do. i have a hunch they do, but it seems as if my King's made that a theme in my short 18 years so far. i waited to be in a relationship with my guy. i waited to find out if mom would be alright. i waited to hear about mbi. then i heard, and i waited some more. and now i am waiting. i am waiting for deeper friendships. i'm waiting to be with my guy for good. i am waiting for a glimpse into the unknown. but if there's anything i've learned from waiting, it's that the "glimpse" i so long for is not going to come. and not because my King is mean or because he likes to see me struggle, but because he already knows how it'll turn out and wants me to rest in letting him know it alone. why does waiting hurt so bad? because i'm a planner. and i seriously can't plan if i don't know what's going to happen in the slightest. so i wait.
lesson: life is full of waiting. i don't get to wait for one thing and then call it "good" and never wait again. through waiting i get to see His faithfulness. and, oh! how he has been so faithful to me!
My King is Faithful.
beginnings. a new adventure. the sun coming up over the horizon with streaks of fiery red, bright orange, and soothing yellows, welcoming a new day with countless unknowns and immeasurable grace. when i reach an ending, i also reach new beginnings - like a job. my first "real" job. yippee! and something that is foreign to me: free time. with new beginnings, new fears and a few anxieties are sure to follow. plans will be changed. life will be interrupted. but it's a fresh start! a new beginning! a chance to develop friendships, to rest my body, and to unwind in grace.
lesson: life happens. new things come. some better than the ones before, some just different. but the joy of the gospel that i choose to cherish in endings, waitings, and beginnings, will not change, no matter how much life changes. he remains the same.
My King will be Faithful.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9
endings. all earthly good things and all earthly bad things in life come to an end. we're on a time schedule. events come and go. relationships start and stop. seasons ebb and flow. this past week i experienced the end of volleyball season. maybe my last ever. maybe the beginning of a wonderful college career. but this one is over. never again with the same girls, the same coaches, the same lessons. it's done. i can't change it, i can't better it. it's done. just like that.
lesson: no matter how hard it seems while i'm in it, it always comes to an end, and i always realize it wasn't so big of a deal - especially in light of all the promises of God i experienced firsthand.
My King was Faithful.
waitings. story of my life, it seems. i often wonder if others wait for as many things as i do. i have a hunch they do, but it seems as if my King's made that a theme in my short 18 years so far. i waited to be in a relationship with my guy. i waited to find out if mom would be alright. i waited to hear about mbi. then i heard, and i waited some more. and now i am waiting. i am waiting for deeper friendships. i'm waiting to be with my guy for good. i am waiting for a glimpse into the unknown. but if there's anything i've learned from waiting, it's that the "glimpse" i so long for is not going to come. and not because my King is mean or because he likes to see me struggle, but because he already knows how it'll turn out and wants me to rest in letting him know it alone. why does waiting hurt so bad? because i'm a planner. and i seriously can't plan if i don't know what's going to happen in the slightest. so i wait.
lesson: life is full of waiting. i don't get to wait for one thing and then call it "good" and never wait again. through waiting i get to see His faithfulness. and, oh! how he has been so faithful to me!
My King is Faithful.
beginnings. a new adventure. the sun coming up over the horizon with streaks of fiery red, bright orange, and soothing yellows, welcoming a new day with countless unknowns and immeasurable grace. when i reach an ending, i also reach new beginnings - like a job. my first "real" job. yippee! and something that is foreign to me: free time. with new beginnings, new fears and a few anxieties are sure to follow. plans will be changed. life will be interrupted. but it's a fresh start! a new beginning! a chance to develop friendships, to rest my body, and to unwind in grace.
lesson: life happens. new things come. some better than the ones before, some just different. but the joy of the gospel that i choose to cherish in endings, waitings, and beginnings, will not change, no matter how much life changes. he remains the same.
My King will be Faithful.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9
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