LIFE - come, Lord Jesus, come

"the Spirit and the Bride say, 'come.' and let those who hear say, 'come.' and let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price." revelation 22:17

i don't know about you, but it seems as if more and more each day i am being reminded that this can not  be where i belong. something's wrong here. i mean, since i was a little girl i knew that there were "bad guys" out there. as i've grown, though, i've realized that everyone's a "bad guy" at some point. we all act immorally - lying, cheating, hating, killing. and immorality leaves us feeling empty. even the good things that happen in my life don't seem as good as i hope. good grades, a great guy, high social status... they all fall short of satisfying.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing..." c.s. lewis 

oh how the world does desire something deeper, something real

Jesus Christ offers satisfaction, a new life, and the hope of a new kingdom, of a new world - the very things for which i long so deeply. he offers the remedy for the sickness of sin that runs rampant in our world. so as i live and as i watch the horrors unfolding around me, specifically the killing of 20 beautiful children and 6 adults at a school in connecticut yesterday, i am reminded that this truly must not be my home. this is not right. my God is a God of right. surely he will fix it all. i know he will fix it all.

"and he who was seated on the throne said, 'behold, i am making all things new.'"

revelation 21:5

new. all things new. so, i must wait. i will wait. with great hope and with great expectation that my God who has always been faithful to his promises will be faithful yet again. one of these days - maybe even today (Lord, let it be so!) - my King will return and complete his work of making all things new.

"one day we will see a King on his throne in heaven above

when everything fades, our eyes will be new

in His presence we will sing - 

holy is the Lord God, worthy of praise!

his glory never fades; his glory never fades!

mighty is our King, with no end to his days -

his glory never fades; his glory never fades!"

i have been redeemed, and one day the redeemed will be satisfied in every way: we will be home with our Jesus. until then, i will wait expectantly with the knowledge that this is not my home. i have hope beyond this torn, terrified world. and that simple hope i will share with the broken world - Jesus Christ: the hope of the nations.

man, i really can't wait to go home. 

"He who testifies to these things says, 'Surely I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!"

revelation 22:20

FAITH - my vision

"be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart...

"high king of heaven my victory won
may i reach heaven's joys o bright heaven's sun
heart of my own heart, whatever befall 
still be my vision, o Ruler of all

"heart of my own heart whatever befall
still be my vision, o Ruler of all
still be my vision, o Ruler of all"

-be thou my vision

heart of my own heart, whatever befall
still be my vision, o Ruler of all

gulp. whatever befall. yikes. 
this is a hard statement for me to think about, yet my heart of hearts - the heart that Jesus Christ has made new and is making new - longs for this satisfying focus. a focus on the Ruler of all. on the Lord of my heart.

"today is so important. what are you doing today, sam? what are you doing to make other people happier? what are you doing to get better grades? what are you doing to figure out the future? how are you preparing yourself to be a wife, a friend, and a mom? you better start working harder. you have a lot of work to get done. the faster you fix yourself, the faster you get things figured out, the better life will be. the more fulfilled you'll be. the more your heart will be satisfied."

"wait a minute, you. who says that i have tomorrow?" i reply. "who says that tomorrow will come? that a thousand tomorrows will come? since when is this world the 'end all'? what can i truly to do make my life so much better? do i really have control? better yet - if i do, do i really want it?"

"you can plan. you can try harder. you can work faster. you can be more successful. you can have control. it can be yours. you can determine how things work out. you can figure out the unknown days. it's your responsibility to make it work."

"no. i know it's not true. at least i think i know. wait... is it true? 
no. i know it is not. what is truth? this is truth: God is love (1 john 4:16). God is faithful (2 timothy 2:13). God is good (luke 18:19). so on these truths i will set my mind. only he is eternal. only he reigns forever. when i am with him only he will be my focus. john 17:3 tells me that eternal life is to know God. i want that eternal life now. i can have that eternal life now. why then, am i so concerned with knowing the world? why am i so concerned with controlling my own destiny?"

may the words of this song be the cry of my heart, day after day, moment after moment.

heart of my own heart, whatever befall
still be my vision, o Ruler of all.

LIFE - change

i figured starting college would be a big change in my life, but i never expected all the little changes that came along with it. i've noticed three main kinds of change: endings, waitings, and beginnings. many lessons are learned in change, and though i always claimed to do well with change, i've realized i really don't do so well with it... at all. especially the waitings.

endings. all earthly good things and all earthly bad things in life come to an end. we're on a time schedule. events come and go. relationships start and stop. seasons ebb and flow. this past week i experienced the end of volleyball season. maybe my last ever. maybe the beginning of a wonderful college career. but this one is over. never again with the same girls, the same coaches, the same lessons. it's done. i can't change it, i can't better it. it's done. just like that.
lesson: no matter how hard it seems while i'm in it, it always comes to an end, and i always realize it wasn't so big of a deal - especially in light of all the promises of God i experienced firsthand.
My King was Faithful.

waitings. story of my life, it seems. i often wonder if others wait for as many things as i do. i have a hunch they do, but it seems as if my King's made that a theme in my short 18 years so far. i waited to be in a relationship with my guy. i waited to find out if mom would be alright. i waited to hear about mbi. then i heard, and i waited some more. and now i am waiting. i am waiting for deeper friendships. i'm waiting to be with my guy for good. i am waiting for a glimpse into the unknown. but if there's anything i've learned from waiting, it's that the "glimpse" i so long for is not going to come. and not because my King is mean or because he likes to see me struggle, but because he already knows how it'll turn out and wants me to rest in letting him know it alone. why does waiting hurt so bad? because i'm a planner. and i seriously can't plan if i don't know what's going to happen in the slightest. so i wait.
lesson: life is full of waiting. i don't get to wait for one thing and then call it "good" and never wait again. through waiting i get to see His faithfulness. and, oh! how he has been so faithful to me! 
My King is Faithful.

beginnings. a new adventure. the sun coming up over the horizon with streaks of fiery red, bright orange, and soothing yellows, welcoming a new day with countless unknowns and immeasurable grace. when i reach an ending, i also reach new beginnings - like a job. my first "real" job. yippee! and something that is foreign to me: free time. with new beginnings, new fears and a few anxieties are sure to follow. plans will be changed. life will be interrupted. but it's a fresh start! a new beginning! a chance to develop friendships, to rest my body, and to unwind in grace.
lesson: life happens. new things come. some better than the ones before, some just different. but the joy of the gospel that i choose to cherish in endings, waitings, and beginnings, will not change, no matter how much life changes. he remains the same.
My King will be Faithful.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9

FAITH - one day (at a time)

right now, i'm having a hard time seeing what is ahead. the future is unclear. i know what i want but i don't know what will happen. daily i struggle with trusting that my King truly is in control. yet daily i am reminded that, as i posted earlier, he's always been faithful to me. but why would he want to be faithful to someone like me? how do i know that he will continue to be faithful? 

why would He, the only Good King, be faithful to me?

"He who did not spare his own Son but graciously gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" romans 8:32

my King already gave me the biggest, most costly gift he could give. he gave me his Son. his Beloved. while i was yet a sinner. while i was yet spitting in his face, defaming his name, Jesus, the Prince of Peace, died for me. and if God who paid the price to redeem me offered up his most valuable possession, how then, will he not long to give me all things that are good as well? if he loved me enough to give his Son, then i suppose he loves me enough to give me all things good. all for his glory.

wow. 

"the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with his hand." psalm 37:23-24 nkjv

he delights in my paths - not my destination. yet, he knows where i'll end up. he knows the outcome of my heart's desires. he delights in the way. as i walk, he upholds me. i am his child, i am good in his sight. oh, Lord, teach me to love you. teach me to trust. i believe. help me with my unbelief. 

DOUBTS - he's always been faithful

great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me

morning by morning i wake up to find

the power and comfort of God's hand in mine

season by season i watch him amazed,

in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways

all i have need of his hand will provide

he's always been faithful to me

i can't remember a trial or a pain

he did not recycle to bring me gain

i can't remember one single regret

in serving God only and trusting his hand

all I have need of his hand will provide

he's always been faithful to me

this is my anthem, this is my song

the theme of the stories i've heard for so long

God has been faithful, he will be again

his loving compassion it knows no end

all i have need of his hand will provide

He's always been faithful 

He's always been faithful

He's always been faithful to me 

"He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves

GRACE: the great exchange

"He made him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in him." 2 corinthians 5:21

say what?

so many pronouns... i know. read it again. slowly. 

"He (God) made him (Jesus) who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in him."    parenthesis mine

the great exchange, as martin luther called it.

i've recently, in the past two years, come to grips with something that's kind of a big HUGE deal. it boils down to a few simple equations. 

samantha (me) + nothing = sick, nasty, disgusting sinner, deserving of eternal separation from God Almighty

God = perfect, spotless, clean, holy One who can not have sin in his presence

well, shoot. this is a bit of predicament. actually, it's a problem that i can't solve... because it's fair. i deserve the pits of hell because i have sinned against the King of glory. so do i have hope? the Scriptures say "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (romans 3:23). do we have hope? we are all destined to the pits of hell, which is fair due to our sin, but before we were even born, the King intervened. 

"He (God) made him (Jesus) who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in him."    parenthesis mine

here's the point: God made it so that we can have the righteousness of God imputed on us as our sin was imputed on Christ when the cup of God's wrath against us was poured out on him (Jesus) on the cross. so many prepositional phrases... sorry. stick with me. 

God took our sin and placed it on his perfect Son, Jesus Christ, on a cross outside jerusalem some 2000 years ago. then when he calls us to himself and we believe on his name, he places the righteousness of Christ who lived a sinless life on us. yes, i have the righteousness of Christ. i am a saint. Jesus Christ lived the perfect life i had to live, carried my sin, bore my shame, and was separated from his Father like i deserve to be, so that i may be justified (made right in God's sight). i can't do anything to make it on my own. my good deeds are like filthy rags. without his grace i am nothing. yet he came. for me. for his children. we can be saved. we can be set free. 

the great exchange. it doesn't make sense - who does something like that?

and the only answer i know of is this:

"but God demonstrated his own love for us in this: in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (romans 5:8)

God does something like that. because of love. oh, how he loves us. 

this good news doesn't become old news. ever. it's the best news we could ever be given. 

may i never move on from the work of my precious Savior. may i never move on from grace. 

LIFE ~ to the praise

i cried a lot on october 28, 2011. i was certain i had just played in my last volleyball game. ever.

i am so thankful my King had a different plan. 

january 20, 2012 i left my high school gymnasium, headed out for a night with friends. discouraged, hurting, and doubting, trying to forget the three months more i would have to wait to find out the status of my app to mbi. but out i was going.  

i looked down at my phone, at a stoplight, of course, to find a voicemail from coach (far left). he wanted to see me play. maybe there was hope i could play volleyball again. would i be good enough? did i really want to play again? would i even be accepted to the school? 

april 12, 2012 - "congratulations, you've been accepted to moody bible institute". could it be true? was the King finally answering me? yes. to mbi i would go. to the team i was committed. 

and now here i am. #14. on a team that has changed my view of what a team surrendered to Jesus truly looks like. 

dmc and club volleyball were great experiences. i was blessed with an amazing coach for three years on varsity and girls that could always make me laugh. yet mbi is different. 

"thank you Jesus for giving us bodies that work." a simple prayer that holds so much - a prayer the captains lead us in almost every day. bodies that work. i've had a few injuries here and there, nothing ever too major, but i've never sincerely thought about what it would be like to not be able to play volleyball because my body wouldn't work right. thank you, Jesus, for giving me a body that works.

ephesians 1:5-6 "in love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved."

whoever comes to see us play will hear us end a huddle by saying "to the praise!"

by the grace of God we have been chosen, predestined for adoption. we are the "lucky ones". and now, as a team, we get to use our gifts from God, our bodies that work, "to the praise of his glorious grace". the King sure does give us good gifts - the ultimate gift of his only Son Jesus Christ. so we keep playing. we keep learning. we keep growing. together. 

all to the praise of his glorious grace. 

DOUBTS ~ "defining" me

being new is harder than i expected. approximately thirty days ago, i moved here, to mbi, as an unknown, another face-in-the-crowd freshman. quickly i began to miss my family, my home, my guy, and my identity. 

yes, my identity.

at home i was known. i was established. i was understood. 

or so i thought.

now i am here. i'm in a new city. a huge city. with lots of people. 

i'm meeting people much wiser than i, so i will not be claiming any sort of identity in my knowledge. 

i'm volleyballing with people much more athletic than i, so i will not be claiming athleticism as my identity. 

i'm eating with people much more socially exciting and conversationally riveting than i, so i will not be claiming popularity any time soon.

just who am i?

as i've struggled through the beginning stages of friendships, seeking to know and longing to be known, i've come to realize that i don't have to claim something as my identity. i don't want to claim something as my identity.

i want to be me. samantha jo. the daughter of the King. an heir in his kingdom. his beloved.

and that is enough. it is more than enough. 

He is satisfying.

i wonder why that is enough. why is it okay for me to not be exerting myself to be wiser, stronger, quicker, or funnier? it's okay because my identity is no longer found in what i do. it is found in what Christ did. that's why i can say it's okay for me to be a "nobody". it's okay for me to be a "somebody". it's okay for me to be unathletic. it's okay for me to be smart. and most of all, it's okay for me to fail. 

because no one likes a perfect person. and Jesus didn't die for me to try harder to be better. 

so as i'm struggling through who i must be,

i am learning it's really not up to me. 

for my highest King, he is good, 

and in his eyes i'm understood.

so i surrender my cares at his feet

knowing his peace, oh it's so sweet!

i'll trust he knows best

and i'll surrender this time to His good rest. 

so who am i? some may ask. it's simple really, i'm the redeemed, forgiven, beloved daughter of the King. 

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come!"
2 Corinthians 5:17

LIFE ~ a new home

from star gazing to city gazing -  a new sort of window view

GRACE ~ a poem

i stand here before you, feeling sick and unclean

you may think what you want, but i know the unseen

i'm great at pretending and putting on a mask.

in fact, i'm living an act, so that no one will ask. 

but when i stand before the God who created the stars,

he says, "Daughter, I know you, and I see all your scars."

i hang my head in shame, for i know what i've done:

i've lied, i've hated, i've set myself as number one.

in his presence i fall, bowing low on my knees.

i cry, "o great King, please have mercy on me!

there's nothing for me but to ask for your grace."

as the words leave my lips, i sink lower on my face.

then i hear, "O beloved, I don't see you as filthy.

for you my Son died, in my goodness and mercy.

I love you, my daughter, his blood makes you clean;

you're a saint, not a sinner. From your sins you are free.

"Now go to the world and rest in my love.

Quit trying to earn your way, my Son is enough.

You're not a disappointment, you are pure in my eyes.

simply seek to know Christ and him crucified."

as his words wash over my heart, i'm reminded of what's true:

that day on the cross, he paid all that was due.

so now i don't have to work or even try to repay,

because, friends that's missing the point, and the point is:

 His grace.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Romans 8:1